She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize