You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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