i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
