Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
