i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
