I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
