So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
