that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
barbara walters just said penis...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
