so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
