well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
