STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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