arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
