OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
