thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize