Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
