I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
