she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
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He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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