Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
