So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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