you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
