I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
