I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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