how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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