They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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