guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
