We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sext me about skeletons
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
