Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
