i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
