at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
