it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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