Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
