i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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