I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
