I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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