he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
