do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
