Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you had me at cake vodka
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
