cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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