I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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I think weed is turning my hair brown
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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