Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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