even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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