Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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