Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
