wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
