So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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