Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
