my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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