You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
