alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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