I hope mine doesn't look like that
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
