the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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