last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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