why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
