I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this just has baby written all over it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
