He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
