dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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