I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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