she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
