Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This house was built for laser tag.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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