I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
