Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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