i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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