Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
