Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
