Please, let me fuck your mom
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
