Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
