just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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