What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize