the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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