Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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