Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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