Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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