So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
