You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
