Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Someone shattered a urinal.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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